they took my last post away. i had blogged the day before my surgery. now it is gone. why they took it i will never know. it is only words i am writing to myself, and they were important to me. now those words are lost.
i know, i should word them and then save them in word before i post them in the blog. if i did that, i would not lose them.
i know in the lost post i finally admitted i am afraid. i know i told about where i almost choked up and let my fear show in front of my family, but i saved face when i felt it trying to sneak out. the kids don't need to know i am afraid. it would only make them feel more afraid themselves. and what about the grandkids? they do not need to see nana being afraid more so than the kids need to see mom being afraid.
i think i was more afraid of the surgery in itself than the fear of having breast cancer.
today is the day after my biopsy surgery. i am still feeling a hangover, most likely from the anesthesia. my breast is swollen and it hurts. ibuprofen is controlling the pain, even though they did give me a pain reliever that is a bit stronger. i will take that if the pain worsens, but otherwise i will use the ibuprofen.
yesterday began early. i was to be at the hospital by 0730, and i was. they signed me in, took me to change into hospital attire, then off for another mammogram.
it is a funny feeling to feel healthy and be carted around in a wheelchair, by one of your former co-workers even. the nurse who signed me in was one of my former nursing classmates. people all around me were people i knew from working with or school, or some other way. very few knew the reason i was there, and i kept it that way. the only former co-worker who knew why i was there was the one assisting with the mammogram.
at the mammogram, i was squeezed and crushed and pinched all over again. when they got me in the position they wanted they numbed to the back of my left breast, nearly under my arm, and inserted a wire to point out the mini calcifications that they wanted the surgeon to remove and test. of course the wire was left in. yes, it hurt. yes, it was uncomfortable.
and they squeezed and crushed again to make sure the wire stayed in place after the needle was removed.
i was returned to the day surgery waiting area where i waited, and waited. they transferred me from a recliner chair to a gurney bed, and i waited more. there was three anesthesiologists who came and asked me the same questions and each had me open my mouth. yes, i am allergic to all those things. yes, i have a hard time awakening from anethesia. yes, i have had other surgeries.
my daughter said that i answered all that four times. i probably did. i do not remember really.
my oldest daughter sat at my bedside while my youngest daughter texted her from her work floor above. she snuck downstairs sometime before i went into surgery.
i was hooked to a monitor, iv site was established. ouch.
then around 1100 they told me it was time and i was given the beginning dose of the sedative. i was almost out by the time i was taken to the surgical room. one of my very favorite co-workers was an RN on the surgical team.
i have no idea how long it took. i only know that as i said would happen, i was having difficulty waking up. there is a bandage to the outside of my left breast, barely under my arm. i still have the iv fluids going and the oxygen saturation thing still taped to my thumb. everything is so uncomfortable.
my daughter said i had been sleeping for about 4 hours. it must have been very short because it is about 1530 by the clock that i could see. i hear my daughter telling the nurse that i keep waking up, but only staying awake for a few seconds. i want to go home, so i force myself to wake up. i make myself sit up and stay awake. i do not want to be here anymore. i can sleep at home.
they had brung me a diet soda to drink because i am diabetic. it is nasty. another of my old classmates pops in and is talking to my daughter. of course i can leave if i can drink. i told her if i could have real soda and not diet i could drink it. she brought me real soda. it was good, i think more because it was wet. i ate some cookies too, and they did nauseate me a little.
my younger daughter shows up, i get my orders and my clothes. they remove all of the wires and such then i dress. one of the girls i know brings a wheelchair for me to go out in. i need to use the toilet which is only feet from me. i asked her if i had to ride that far in the wheel chair and every one laughed at me. i walked and made it safely. finally i was wheeled away.
after stopping at the pharmacy to pick up my medications, watched over by my youngest daughter, my oldest daughter drove up and snatched me away home. i know i must have slept on the way because i do not remember most of the trip.
at home i ate some chicken noodle soup and made myself comfortable on the sofa. through naps and people coming, i was able to watch grey's anatomy and private practice, then i announced i was going to bed, and i did.
after waking up multiple times through the night, my sort of son in law popped his head in the bedroom to check on me, and it was time for me to get up and get the grandchildren off to school.
i feel lousy. it is an anesthesia hangover. my breast hurts, but like i mentioned earlier, it is not too bad. i find myself keeping my arm close to my side, protecting my breast, and not using the arm itself too much. i don't even have to think about it. it just stays there.
the hospital has called to check on my condition. they are good about that.
now there is the wait again. results should be in monday.
i hate waiting.
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
i searched me on the internet
did you ever do a search on your own name? sometimes i just get a whim, and do that.
my full first name is tomasina. the story was, my older sister wanted a baby brother named tommy, but they got me instead. funny thing is, is that no one in the family ever called me tommy. i was always tom or tomas. i because tommie in the eighth grade. i was soooooo tired of the kids making fun of my name with anything that rhymed with tomasina.
another part of that name story is that my mother always told me, "i took the o off the name and put an a on it, because that made it feminine". on one of my searches, i found out that "tomasino" is a greek surname. i grew up in chicago, many of my siblings were named after my mothers greek friends, so, whatcha think? yeah, me too.
i found out that in chicago, there was a young woman that designed and produced bridal gowns. how coincidental. i LOVE to sew, but i could never sew that well.
in L.A. california, there is a young woman who sings with a band. not country though. i LOVE to sing, but everyone keeps telling me to keep my day job. roflmao.
and there is another woman, jeana tomasina, who is an actress. ummmm, nope, i can't act.
today i found out the my name is on websites stating that i am a doctor. (one can wish, can't they?) i notified those sites it is not true.
i found my name is in many of my friends postings/blogs. (i am loved!!)
my poetry is posted on many websites. (YAY)
and one of my inscribed books is for sale on Amazon.com. (huh?)
my heart fell when i discovered that. i had tried to get my books onto amazon when i first had them published, but was unsuccessful in doing so, but here was one that i had personally autographed, being sold on amazon. i signed that for THIS person. a personal, handwritten message. and they were selling it. i wanted to cry.
it took me a bit to find the info of where to contact the seller, but i found the email and sent a note.
"could you please tell me who this book was inscribed to? thank you so much "
and she replied almost immediately.
"The inscription is to Josh and it is signed Tommie, who I believe was the author.
Cordially,
J++ B++ Emtiger's books."
i breathed a sigh of relief. my heart felt much better. you see, i give the books to soldiers that i do not know, and this is most likely one of those soldiers. i was so afraid it was one of the mom's i had gifted the book to.
i sent a note back
"thank you
the inscripition is signed
hugggggsssssss armymom tommie
i am her.
my heart sunk a bit when i saw an inscribed book was being sold, online at that. i give the books to all soldiers i meet, and many of the military moms. so i was curious as to who was selling it. as it is "josh", i understand. the book was not meant for young men, it was written for the moms, which, if you have read any of it, you can tell. good luck in your sales. when you do sell it, i have a closet full left, lol.
hugggssss armymom tommie"
then she again replied
"You wrote it -- of course. I should have known. Sorry. Since you give them away, would you prefer that I not sell it?
Best wishes, J"
to which i replied,
"the book is in your possession so it is yours to do with as you wish. God is the one responsible for the book. He must have meant for it to be sold this time. (i have sold a few myself, to people who request it online, non military people, people i don't know) the give aways are to Gold Star Mothers, mothers i meet face to face, soldiers and veterans, persons who are using it for purposes to assist the soldiers/military by sales or putting in gift boxes.
the book you have, as you can see is book two. i started writing the poems when my daughter was in egypt, near afghanistan. i cried at the drop of a hat. then i joined the mothers group. for some reason, i wrote a poem then shared it with this mothers group. the war was all over the television. i worked evenings at the hospital, so it was always on. my only way to cope was to come home after work and write these poems, while the tears dripped off my chin.
when the mothers asked for the book, they supplied me with the photos to put into the book, and in 2004, the first book was published. it arrived on my doorstep one week before mothers day, and each mother had their book in their hands by then.
i had so many photos and many, many more poems, so the second book came about, the one you have, and that book came to me a week before fathers day, 2006.
i will always believe that God chose me to be His vessel to bring these words to the other mothers to help them through such a difficult time in their lives. i tried to sell the books locally, and on the internet. when i did not sell them, i decided Our Lord meant for me to give them away, so i do that. i still sell some, occasionally. when a mother (on the internet) asks for one, i include a second one inscribed to her soldier. it is mostly to help with postage is why i ask for monies.
did i note you are in LA? i think that was on ebay where i got that. i went to the fair in lafayette and gave a bag of the books to soldiers who were there. could be josh was one of them.
please, sell the book because i am sure that is what He meant for you to do with it. that is your profession, is it not? i am finally on amazon.com, lol.
God bless
hugggssssssss
tommie
ps, sorry for the short story here, lol."
actually, i don't like the "that is your profession, is it not?" line. it sounds quite curt. maybe i should write her another note and apologize? she has not returned another email.
well, that is my life on the internet, and one story of how i got there, lol.
hugggggggsssssss to all
tommie
my full first name is tomasina. the story was, my older sister wanted a baby brother named tommy, but they got me instead. funny thing is, is that no one in the family ever called me tommy. i was always tom or tomas. i because tommie in the eighth grade. i was soooooo tired of the kids making fun of my name with anything that rhymed with tomasina.
another part of that name story is that my mother always told me, "i took the o off the name and put an a on it, because that made it feminine". on one of my searches, i found out that "tomasino" is a greek surname. i grew up in chicago, many of my siblings were named after my mothers greek friends, so, whatcha think? yeah, me too.
i found out that in chicago, there was a young woman that designed and produced bridal gowns. how coincidental. i LOVE to sew, but i could never sew that well.
in L.A. california, there is a young woman who sings with a band. not country though. i LOVE to sing, but everyone keeps telling me to keep my day job. roflmao.
and there is another woman, jeana tomasina, who is an actress. ummmm, nope, i can't act.
today i found out the my name is on websites stating that i am a doctor. (one can wish, can't they?) i notified those sites it is not true.
i found my name is in many of my friends postings/blogs. (i am loved!!)
my poetry is posted on many websites. (YAY)
and one of my inscribed books is for sale on Amazon.com. (huh?)
my heart fell when i discovered that. i had tried to get my books onto amazon when i first had them published, but was unsuccessful in doing so, but here was one that i had personally autographed, being sold on amazon. i signed that for THIS person. a personal, handwritten message. and they were selling it. i wanted to cry.
it took me a bit to find the info of where to contact the seller, but i found the email and sent a note.
"could you please tell me who this book was inscribed to? thank you so much "
and she replied almost immediately.
"The inscription is to Josh and it is signed Tommie, who I believe was the author.
Cordially,
J++ B++ Emtiger's books."
i breathed a sigh of relief. my heart felt much better. you see, i give the books to soldiers that i do not know, and this is most likely one of those soldiers. i was so afraid it was one of the mom's i had gifted the book to.
i sent a note back
"thank you
the inscripition is signed
hugggggsssssss armymom tommie
i am her.
my heart sunk a bit when i saw an inscribed book was being sold, online at that. i give the books to all soldiers i meet, and many of the military moms. so i was curious as to who was selling it. as it is "josh", i understand. the book was not meant for young men, it was written for the moms, which, if you have read any of it, you can tell. good luck in your sales. when you do sell it, i have a closet full left, lol.
hugggssss armymom tommie"
then she again replied
"You wrote it -- of course. I should have known. Sorry. Since you give them away, would you prefer that I not sell it?
Best wishes, J"
to which i replied,
"the book is in your possession so it is yours to do with as you wish. God is the one responsible for the book. He must have meant for it to be sold this time. (i have sold a few myself, to people who request it online, non military people, people i don't know) the give aways are to Gold Star Mothers, mothers i meet face to face, soldiers and veterans, persons who are using it for purposes to assist the soldiers/military by sales or putting in gift boxes.
the book you have, as you can see is book two. i started writing the poems when my daughter was in egypt, near afghanistan. i cried at the drop of a hat. then i joined the mothers group. for some reason, i wrote a poem then shared it with this mothers group. the war was all over the television. i worked evenings at the hospital, so it was always on. my only way to cope was to come home after work and write these poems, while the tears dripped off my chin.
when the mothers asked for the book, they supplied me with the photos to put into the book, and in 2004, the first book was published. it arrived on my doorstep one week before mothers day, and each mother had their book in their hands by then.
i had so many photos and many, many more poems, so the second book came about, the one you have, and that book came to me a week before fathers day, 2006.
i will always believe that God chose me to be His vessel to bring these words to the other mothers to help them through such a difficult time in their lives. i tried to sell the books locally, and on the internet. when i did not sell them, i decided Our Lord meant for me to give them away, so i do that. i still sell some, occasionally. when a mother (on the internet) asks for one, i include a second one inscribed to her soldier. it is mostly to help with postage is why i ask for monies.
did i note you are in LA? i think that was on ebay where i got that. i went to the fair in lafayette and gave a bag of the books to soldiers who were there. could be josh was one of them.
please, sell the book because i am sure that is what He meant for you to do with it. that is your profession, is it not? i am finally on amazon.com, lol.
God bless
hugggssssssss
tommie
ps, sorry for the short story here, lol."
actually, i don't like the "that is your profession, is it not?" line. it sounds quite curt. maybe i should write her another note and apologize? she has not returned another email.
well, that is my life on the internet, and one story of how i got there, lol.
hugggggggsssssss to all
tommie
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
to be an RN or not to be an RN
i have been up since 7:30 this morning. would not be bad except for the fact that i never went to sleep until after 3. there was a phone call from a former co-worker in the travel field. she has a new position in Louisiana, and thought i might be interested in signing with another company.
well, first, as the number was not familiar to me, i thought it might be one of the companies i had already signed with, but it wasn't
second, who the heck is yolanda? not yolanda she says, its ROlanda, from miami (ohhhhhhh) she said, the pregnant one.
third, not every one is awake at 7:30 in the morning on their days off from work.
it is now about 10 am, and i have been at this computer since she woke me up, checking on travel companies and finding out i have already filled out applications for the company she mentioned. so i shot off a couple of emails to previous persons who had emailed me, to keep them aware that i exist and am still looking for a travel position.
this next saturday, i have an appointment with some gentleman about a school. RN to be exact. i am thinking about extending my education, so that more travel positions will be open to me, or, to just make more money for the work i am ALREADY doing.
i have thought about this before, but i cannot take time off to return to school, and i cannot go to class AND work. i am too old. (yes, i heard that. i am too TOO old, just ask my body).
this school had contacted me before about taking classes with them. it is an almost correspondence class, but it is online courses associated with Indiana State Uninversity. i passed it by before because they wanted me to take a MSN (masters) course, which i would be working on until the day i die. they now offer a BSN (bachelors) course, which i might be able to make it through before my 90th birthday. really tempting, as i will most likely be working until then, the way the government is handling things.
the pre-requisites might hold me back on it. i mean, if i have to work 2 years on those, i do not think i will do the nursing course. that will also take 2 years, so there is 4 years of training. well, it is better than 6 years.
of course, the money will also matter. next year, i will have a little more available, and might be able to swing the finances to make payments for classes, but i do not know if i can swing it right now. can only wait and see what this fella is going to offer me.
off to do chores now. huggggssssss
well, first, as the number was not familiar to me, i thought it might be one of the companies i had already signed with, but it wasn't
second, who the heck is yolanda? not yolanda she says, its ROlanda, from miami (ohhhhhhh) she said, the pregnant one.
third, not every one is awake at 7:30 in the morning on their days off from work.
it is now about 10 am, and i have been at this computer since she woke me up, checking on travel companies and finding out i have already filled out applications for the company she mentioned. so i shot off a couple of emails to previous persons who had emailed me, to keep them aware that i exist and am still looking for a travel position.
this next saturday, i have an appointment with some gentleman about a school. RN to be exact. i am thinking about extending my education, so that more travel positions will be open to me, or, to just make more money for the work i am ALREADY doing.
i have thought about this before, but i cannot take time off to return to school, and i cannot go to class AND work. i am too old. (yes, i heard that. i am too TOO old, just ask my body).
this school had contacted me before about taking classes with them. it is an almost correspondence class, but it is online courses associated with Indiana State Uninversity. i passed it by before because they wanted me to take a MSN (masters) course, which i would be working on until the day i die. they now offer a BSN (bachelors) course, which i might be able to make it through before my 90th birthday. really tempting, as i will most likely be working until then, the way the government is handling things.
the pre-requisites might hold me back on it. i mean, if i have to work 2 years on those, i do not think i will do the nursing course. that will also take 2 years, so there is 4 years of training. well, it is better than 6 years.
of course, the money will also matter. next year, i will have a little more available, and might be able to swing the finances to make payments for classes, but i do not know if i can swing it right now. can only wait and see what this fella is going to offer me.
off to do chores now. huggggssssss
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)