life in livermore

God has certainly blessed me. He gave me a daughter who has so many great friends, and because of this, i am sitting in livermore Ca, safe and sound.
i should probably tell myself that this travel nursing was not really a good idea, but i do not believe that myself, so i cannot lie to you. i am glad that i am doing this, i only regret that it was so difficult for me to get to where i was, and other people had to worry so about me because of it.
as you all know, i had difficulty getting across the mountains.
after i had left apple valley, the mountain pass i ended up in was just too much. i had pulled off the road at an exit that actually was in the middle of nowhere. now, i am sure that this exit led to someplace, but to go anywhere with it, i would have had to drive down the mountainside, or up the mountainside.
i was so frustrated with myself and my fear. i am a self analyzer, trying to decipher in myself where this fear accumulated. how it put itself into my mind causing me such grief. of course, that is something i will most likely never know. my armymom friend, micki, was there with me. she had been driving her car in front of me, leading me to highway I-5 so that i might continue my journey on up to northern california. of course, she did not know what to do. she was calling our armymom friend JJ, whom we had just left not 15 minutes earlier. i do not know what their conversation was, only it was about me.
i was so lost. so distraught. i kept looking upward towards the highway i had just left. watching the traffic speed by. farther down the road, i could see the overpass i would have to cross. nothing but air on either side of it. like a bridge. bridges also give me problems, but i have made an agreement with them. i promise not to stay on them if they let me cross. it really does not decrease my fear, but it gets me across them.
i needed to call someone to help, but who could help me when all my family were two thousand miles away? who could i call and not cause them great worry? number two and send. Mykal, my oldest daughter. i really did not think that she could help me, and i was not sure i wanted her to know how distraught i was, because it would cause her distress. i did not want her to worry for me, but i needed someone familiar. that is the only reason i can say that i made that call.
Mykal has been alot of places and made alot of friends. she is outgoing and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. she was in the army for, oh, let's say 11 years, but i can never remember the correct time, as it seemed like she was gone forever anyways. Mykal works for 911 also, and she happened to be at work when she received my call.
she took immediate charge of the situation. less than a month ago, one of the girls that she had shared her room with, had moved to california. i had met vicki when i traveled to louisiana and mykal visited me there. vicki lived in mississippi. her home state (after england that is). she was in biloxi when hurricane katrina went through. vicki now lived about an hour from where i was stranded. she and her room mate would be there to pick me up as quick as they could find me.
in my wallet, i had some xanax pills one of my friends gave me when my prescription ran out. i had took half of one the day before, and at this time, i took the one and a half that was left.
both mykal and vicki kept contact with me by cell phone. micki talked with the strange trucker who pulled up while i was on the phone. after he left, a young man and his family pulled into our parking area. he had three children, ages 5, 3 and 18 months. he had pulled off because when the littlest one becomes upset while riding in the vehicle, she becomes sick and vomits if they don't pull over and let her out for a short bit. it turned out that he had used to be a marine. i entertained the children with beanie babies. i gave them their choice of my small collection. the mama was pregnant with a boy she said, and i had a beanie that said "it's a boy", so i gave that to her. i even had a gift for the guy, lol. one of the books of poetry that i had written for the military moms. he seemed pleased to get it, and not too concerned about this crazy lady he had found. i did explain to him what my predicament was, and his wife offered me chips and water which i refused as i already had those in my van.
inside myself, through all my pain, fear, grief...i was laughing at myself, because i knew how funny this predicament must look. not that anyone actually thought that i was "crazy", but i know i was babbling about, saying things that made no sense, but i was able to make it through the wait, standing in the middle of what i was afraid of.
then the black truck came down the hill. with my heroes. vicki and nina had arrived. saved the marine and his kids from me, lol. they saved me. i wrapped my chubby self around this tall skinny woman, hugging her tight enough i know she couldn't breathe. but she took me home with her anyway. she and nina took great care of me. they fed me and tucked me into bed after time at the beach. then they took their whole sunday to bring me to livermore. vicki put me into the truck and let nina drive it first, while vicki drove the van. poor nina was the one who had me through the worst part of the mountains going north from santa monica. i did not scream or cry though. i closed my eyes tight, held my hand over my face, and clenched my other hand into a fist. if nina spoke to me, i tried to talk back to her.
vicki had me through the "flat" lands where the orchards were or should have been. fields of cotton. dead citrus trees and some beautiful citrus trees that were ready to harvest. mountains surrounded us still, but there was plenty of land on either side of the road. the mountains were covered with yellowish brown grass. when we saw cows on the mountainsides, we both wondered how they kept from toppling downhill. vicki tells me, "that gives a new side to cow tipping". lolol. i was able to take some pictures. relief washed over me as we neared livermore. then, just outside the city, we hit mountain roads. nothing to either side. my chest tightened, my hands clenched and my eyes closed tightly. there were the windmills on the mountain tops. through my fear, i was able to take some photographs of them for my albums.
off the highway, turn to another road, and up the parkway of the hotel. vehicles turned off. i did not have the energy to dance, but my heart did flipflops because my feet were now planted safely on the ground. vicki refused to let me gas up her vehicle for her trip home. they refused to let me take them to dinner. they took a potty stop, allowed a couple pictures and went on their way for their 6 hour drive back home.
the young lady who had met me once before, took care of me because she was my daughters friend.
the van is now unloaded of my belongings. some things are put away, some things will be put away tomorrow. i was able to leave the hotel, and with directions of the desk clerk, find a grocery store to purchase some needed things. found the In and Out hamburger stand, which vicki said had the best burgers, and had my mouth watering for them all day. now i am back "home" writing this blog.
life in livermore has not been yet, but tomorrow i will make an attempt to venture out again. i have two days before i report to work at the VA clinic. as long as i do not have to drive on any mountain roads, life in livermore will be good.